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These tools have helped us stay sane as a travel couple spending 24/7 together.
All relationships take work. I don’t make the rules, that’s just the truth.
Even when you’re traveling and living abroad, life with your partner isn’t all beaches and sunsets. There are new challenges that couples living “normal” lives at home don’t have. Namely, spending almost every waking (and sleeping) moment together.
We’ve been living, working, and traveling together since 2011, and though 99% of the time it’s awesome, there have been times when we both wanted to kill each other.
Fortunately, the 1% of near murderous experiences have resulted in a set of tools we now use to get through anything, and we think they can help you and your partner too.
1) Communicate your feelings
It seems obvious but internalizing your feelings instead of being open with your partner will only lead to trouble down the line.
As much as we would like them to be able to, your partner cannot read your mind. Let them know how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way.
Do this not only when you are upset or angry but also when you are happy or excited. Keeping an open dialogue with your partner about both positive and negative feelings you have will help you to understand each other better.
When you’re traveling, crappy days are bound to happen, so communicate the problem and be there for one another however you can. On the road, you are each other’s main support through the fun times and the rough ones.
2) Shut up and listen
When you’re spending so much time together you start to finish each other’s sandwiches, which is cute and all, but not ideal for allowing each other to properly express yourselves.
Show your partner that you respect what they have to say by listening when they are telling you something. Allow them to say what’s on their mind, and don’t interject until they are done.
Maintain eye contact, show active listening through body language, and try not to make judgmental faces, even if you’re SURE you know EXACTLY what they’re about to say.
If your partner does or doesn’t want to do something, hear them out and respect their reasons. This is a journey you’re both on, after all.
3) Show support for each other’s goals and interests
So long as your partner’s interests aren’t shooting heroin, wild-animal-taunting or stamp-collecting, show them support for the things they are interested in. Better yet, be their biggest fan.
There are enough naysayers in the world shooting down our ideas and dreams every day. Our partner should be a companion we can rely on to support us through life, especially in the things we love to do.
If you are traveling together you are already supporting each other’s travel goals, which is amazing. Extend that to hobbies and other interests that develop and flourish on the road. For Stevo that’s stand-up comedy, for me it’s yoga.
4) Allow each other to grow
People aren’t static and nothing in life is a guarantee. Don’t put your partner in a box and expect them to stay that way forever.
Travel and time will change you based on circumstances within and beyond your control, and that’s a good thing.
With constant communication you’ll be able to support one another through the peaks and valleys of travel (and life), growing as partners and as individuals.
Find the balance between respecting your partner’s needs while pursuing your own.
5) Accept one another other as you are
We are each individuals created by our unique experiences and backgrounds. But sometimes our differences are hard to understand, and we feel frustrated by things our partner does or says.
Instead of chastising them and wishing they would just like strawberries, because who doesn’t like strawberries?!, try to see where they are coming from.
Sometimes it’s better to agree to disagree, and that’s okay. Accepting your partner for who they are is the greatest gift you can give them.
I love to get up early, while Stevo is happier sleeping in and staying up late. This used to drive me crazy! Now I realize that mornings are a great chance for me to have some alone time. I do yoga, go on photo walks, and stroll through morning markets. Likewise, Stevo enjoys his alone time late at night.
6) Let go of the idea of a perfect partner/relationship
Movies, TV, and the internet do a great job of romanticizing the perfect relationship or the ideal partner. If we listen to everything the media is trying to sell us on, we’ll fail before we even begin.
And those “perfect travel couples” on Instagram? They are only posting their highlight reels, which you’re likely comparing with your behind-the-scenes footage.
Relationships are between real people with real problems, living in a world that can be really shitty sometimes.
Let go of the idea that you’re “supposed” to be a certain way or do certain things. That’s an exhausting way to live. Tune out the noise, ignore the unrealistic nonsense and do what is right for you and your partner. Stop comparing!
7) Don’t take your partner’s love for granted
Being with a partner who loves and respects you, AND is willing to travel or move across the world with you is a gift, one to be appreciated and cherished.
Show your partner that you love them every day. This doesn’t mean buying them lavish gifts or expensive meals. Simply acknowledge the things they do for you with a “thank you.” Say “please” when you ask them to hand you something. Hug and kiss each other often (though not in public in many places!).
These little gestures go a long way in showing your partner that you are excited to be with them, respect them and care about them.
Don’t forget to schedule date nights once in a while too. Just because you’re together all the time doesn’t mean you’re on one giant never-ending date!
Most importantly, have fun together. Laugh often, and try not to take life too seriously. What’s the point in that? You’ve chosen one another as partners on this crazy journey you’re on. Enjoy the ride together!
For us, it’s definitely to spend some time apart in the middle of a trip. It’s nice for each of us to pursue separate interests and then we have something new to talk about! Sometimes when you spend so much time together, you really do run out of new things to say and do so a bit of solo travel can really reinvigorate your travel plans and your conversations.
Individual space and mutual respect is SO important, especially during long trips, or even short ones. It’s hard to maintain that sometimes, especially during stressful periods and through jet lag, but a good relationship can sustain those bumps along the way. Your tips are thoughtful and spot on!
Great tips. Personally, I find it hard being a travel writer while my husband often needs to stay at home working. – that can be a challenge as a couple, too. I guess it’s always about respecting your partner and respecting what he/she needs to do to be happy.
This is all such great advice! I especially love the part about not taking each other for granted. It can be so easy to do when you are with each other all the time, but taking a step back and making an effort to appreciate each other is crucial! My husband and I are together pretty much all the time as well–we don’t travel full time, but this year has been pretty close to it and when we are home, we both work at home 10 ft. away from each other. It can get hectic, but I think laughter and humor definitely gets us through it, and it’s all worth it at the end of the day! 🙂
Some great tips. I’m actually about to road trip with my sister and feel like a lot of these apply to that type of a relationship as well. Thanks for sharing.
I particularly like the advice- “Don’t put your partner in a box and expect them to stay that way forever. Travel and time will change you.” And hopefully it’s for the better! My husband and I just spent 6 months abroad where we were literally within arm’s length of each other constantly! There were only a few temporary moments of homicidal madness… ok, it really wasn’t THAT bad, but it was usually when we were stressed about having missed a train or travel plans not going according to plan… or we hadn’t eaten in a while! I have to say, though, as time went on, we learned to ‘roll with the punches’ a little better. It’s so much fun traveling with your best friend!!
I don’t travel full time with my partner so I can’t totally relate since we have our jobs and we are not constantly together. What I can say is that all this great advice is good for any kind of relationship. Great tips guys!
I’d add another one- give each other some alone time, especially when it’s a long trip.
So so true and one important one to add is to give each other space at times. I’ve also learnt that 99% of our arguments are down to fatigue and/or hunger so have learnt to adjust / control my tantrums accordingly ha ha ha